Community
Good Grief: Life After Loss
Part 1 of 2
As weighty a topic as grief can be, I felt compelled to address it as we approach National Grief Awareness Day on August 30. I wanted to provide support to those who are weathering losses. Even when life delivers one of its most powerful blows, we can share in the certainty that we will regain our equilibrium.
Opening up a space to discuss bereavement has been cathartic for contributors sharing their stories and will be for those who read them. Talking about loss is healing, even as tears are choked back at times. For readers enduring their own losses, there is comfort in the simple reassurance that we’re not alone.
Grief is unavoidable; it’s part and parcel of the human condition, the inevitable equalizer across the board in the game of life. We’re all bound to experience the tragedy and melancholy of having lost loved ones and tasked with picking up the remaining pieces of our lives to continue our journey without them.
How we deal with grief depends in large part on our personality and the relationship we had with the deceased. Thus, the process is singular to each of us. There can be no one-size-fits-all type of guide.
Losing a spouse can leave one person feeling shattered while another may face the same loss without much incident. The loss of a parent can result in one sibling handling it more easily than another, although they’ve lost the same person.
Neither reaction is right or wrong. Grief is as individual as our fingerprints. No two people will move through it in the same way.
Consider this two-part article an invitation to give yourself grace while navigating the harrowing journey through loss. Provided no one is being harmed, it’s important to recognize first and foremost that all grief is “good grief.”
Get by with a little help from your friends – and a professional
When it comes to death, as prevalent as it is, we can all be pretty terrible at dealing with it, whether we’re experiencing the loss or trying to comfort someone else. Advice from a pro can go a long way when we don’t know the best things to say or do.
To that end, Danielle Edwards, MSW, LCSW, of Edwards Psychotherapy and Consulting LLC, a grief, trauma and domestic violence recovery therapist, was kind enough to share her expertise.
First and foremost, Edwards advises any bereaved individuals struggling with thoughts of suicide to call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, or to go to the nearest ER.
“Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance — the stages of grief. I don’t use them. There’s this idea that you’re supposed to move through denial, anger and once you hit acceptance, you can tie it all up and put it on a shelf. But it’s not a linear process,” Edwards said.
She advises people that they should eliminate any expectation that they should be further along. “There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re not off track, your journey may be riddled with detours and U-turns. Expect a slew of other pit-stops along the way like remorse and relief, that can also be part of your experience,” she added.
Mayor of Peachtree Corners, Mike Mason
Toiling in the garden, Peachtree Corners Mayor Mike Mason paused to survey his work and asked aloud, although he’s alone, “Well honey, what do you think? How does that look?” Having lost his beloved wife of 49 years this past January to an aggressive form of uterine cancer, he is left to only hope the late first lady of the city, Debbie Mason, would approve.
Maintaining their beautiful garden is a labor of love and one way Mason honors his late wife. “We created a habitat in our backyard for birds, squirrels, pollinators and predators. From the sunroom, you can appreciate the color palette and shapes of the pots and flowers,” Mason said.
He recalls telling Debbie, who was always at the helm of their projects, that she was an artist, painting with landscape, hardscape and texture. She had responded, “I’m glad you see that.”
Grandiose memorial suggestions from well-meaning constituents, like naming the bridge or City Hall after Debbie, did not appeal to Mayor Mason. He doesn’t feel they’d accurately capture her essence. The City of Peachtree Corners will soon announce what is yet to blossom in the first lady’s memory.
In the meantime, Mason actively seeks healing through group counseling at the YMCA and reading books like Alan D. Wolfelt’s, “Healing a Spouse’s Grieving Heart.” He has graciously agreed to share some personal anecdotes in hopes of helping others.
Work through it
In moments when tears cannot be contained, Mason has learned to embrace the process of grieving. After gardening, you might find him tearfully sipping wine, reminiscing about how he and Debbie once delighted in that effort together.
Hearing a country western song while driving may require him to pull over. Listening to artists that Debbie loved from his vinyl collection, like Linda Ronstadt, cues the waterworks.
YMCA Grief counselor, Elli Garrett, sagely advised him, “You can’t stop listening to the music you love. You’ve got to work through the grief, keep experiencing life the way you and your partner did. Right now, those thoughts make you cry, but eventually listening to those songs will make you feel better because they remind you of her. You have to work through the grief to get to that point.”
Attempting to recover from the jolt of facing life devoid of the emotional intimacy he once enjoyed with his best friend, Mason repeats the mantra, “work through it,” as he continues.
“Move on means you’re trying to leave something behind. That’s the wrong approach. You have to continue. Ask yourself,‘What’s next?’ and plan it,” Mason said.
Mission impossible
Though wanting desperately to change Debbie’s circumstances, her illness was complicated by side effects and a stroke. Based on his research, the plan was to get her into remission and have five more years of seeing her smile, holding hands, flirting, snuggling and the daily tête-à-têtes with the partner he had built a life with as they worked together to create the City of Peachtree Corners.
“Nobody’s kidding themselves. There wouldn’t be a city without Debbie Mason,” he stated.
He had remained laser focused on being a cheerleader and would’ve done so forever if it would keep her alive. But two years after her diagnosis, Debbie was gone, leaving Mason to feel like he had somehow failed.
“My mission was gone. That’s a loss, too. Taking care of her didn’t work. Now I have to do what she told me several times towards the end: start thinking of the future,” he recounted.
Unable to think of life beyond Debbie until there was no choice, Mason abruptly met with solitude. “You wake up after the funeral, after everybody has gone back to their homes, and it’s just you and the house. All of a sudden, the house is quiet, the bed is empty,” he shared.
Facing the new normal is physically and emotionally exerting. As Edwards informed me, there’s no white knuckling someone’s passing, it doesn’t go away.
“Make room for the grief. Tend to it,” she said. And the mayor is doing just that.
Late night visits from the past
For Mason, the most difficult part of grieving has been the sleepless nights.
“Grief is insomnia,” he said. “Your mind won’t stop. You can be very sleepy, lay down and then, all of a sudden, you wake up and it’s that never-ending woulda, shoulda, coulda. It doesn’t matter that you intellectually understand [you shouldn’t do this]. You have to reason with yourself at two in the morning.”
Tormented by things he wishes he had done differently, Mason reviews past incidents. “People change. You’re not the same person now as you were when you first married. That’s where my mind goes — how I would’ve handled things as the man I am now,” he said.
Recognizing one should only learn from the past — it’s futile to beat yourself up about it — he endeavors to focus on today and tomorrow. “You can’t change it. Forgive yourself. Don’t make those mistakes again. Relentlessly remind yourself of that,” he said.
On a lighter note, one that couples can appreciate, the mayor realizes that if Debbie were aware of what he’s wracking his brain over today, she’d probably laugh and remind him of incidents he hasn’t even thought of yet.
Being a caregiver will change you
The difficulty of providing the most intimate care while watching a loved one as they’re ravaged by an unstoppable disease leaves a mark. Supporting the emotional and physical needs of a spouse at their most vulnerable, as they become forcibly dependent due to sickness and approaching death, imposes a disarming honesty and frankness.
“You will not be the same person. I don’t have much of a filter anymore. It’s not normal for a politician,” Mason said.
Forced to slow down while providing end of life care, the mayor has also noticed a change in his formerly fast-paced, herky-jerky ways. Now he adopts more of an unhurried disposition.
According to Edwards, some may wish to return to the person they were before the loss. But loss becomes part of your journey, and it does change you. The only question should be, “What does moving forward look like?”
“I love you in spite of, not especially because.”
It’s a family saying, or “Debbieism,” used in times of disagreement when the late first lady reprimanded their sons about things she may not have approved of. “‘I love you in spite of, not especially because.’ The three of us were outmatched by her,” the mayor reminisced.
Masons’ sons had markedly different reactions to the loss of their mother, in keeping with their own temperaments and individual bonds with her.
The eldest, Matt, spoke to Debbie before she passed and came out saying, “We’re OK.” He had become skilled at speaking to his mother in his best “help desk voice” whether assisting her with technology or resolving any differences.
Nick, however, had a more confrontational approach growing up. “He and Debbie could really push each other’s buttons,” Mason shared. Cancer didn’t leave much time for reconciliation. Though Nick is content with how things concluded, any residual burdens will be discussed with a therapist.
We’ve been friends through rain or shine for such a long, long time – Gordon Lightfoot
Remembering how Debbie left this world provides some comfort. “It ended well,” the mayor said. He stopped everything for two and a half years to focus first on saving her, and then on taking care of her.
“She knew I loved her, and it ended that way,” Mason said. He had given her a dose of morphine for the pain and helped her to relax with her favorite, a soothing foot rub.
“I touched her as gently as I could and said, ‘There you are sweetie, a good foot rub. Nothing like that to make a girl take a nap.’ She took a deep breath and let out a long sigh. That’s how she passed. It was a moment of love,” he said. “You do the best you can for as long as you can and then you continue.”
The Mason jar gets bigger
Edwards shared an uplifting visual. Picture a series of three Mason jars, each with a black ball of grief inside. The grief appears to get smaller from left to right, but in truth, it is the Mason jars that are getting progressively larger.
“People think grief will get smaller and smaller. But we grow around our grief. The jars get larger. Grief remains; we change and grow around it,” Edwards said.
Physical separation is difficult but personal growth still occurs after losing someone we love. There will be enjoyment again.
Edwards suggests releasing any guilt you may feel for having joyful moments because the deceased can’t share them with you. Embrace new people and new challenges. Do the things you’ve always enjoyed.
Developing new social contacts and having new experiences is allowing for Mason to slowly grow around his grief, like the Mason jar imagery.
He found this message communicated to him by Pastor Lori Osborn at Mount Carmel Church, to be most helpful. “The reason why, right now, talking to your friends is so hurtful, your grief is so profound, is that you live in a world where all your friends knew Debbie. Keep meeting new people so the size of your group of friends expands to include people who didn’t know her — you won’t leave them crying. Don’t be afraid to do new things,” Mason recounted.
When asked for any advice he’d like to share with mourners, he replied, “Get up every morning and try to do just that, but be kind to yourself. If you had planned to do something and suddenly you don’t want to, change the plan. Do the stuff you loved before.”
As for the mayor, he’s benefitted from a return to listening to music, perusing bookstores and reading. He is determined to keep his set point at happy and positive. It’s no easy task for the man who had tissues at the ready when he teared up during our interview.
“You get a little battered, bruised, but have to stand up and regain your balance. You can’t be a good partner if you’re too dependent upon the other person, but you do connect and lean on each other,” he said.
Feeling esteem for our city leader who so dearly loved his wife, it is my most sincere wish that when he’s ready, Mayor Mason will find a new partner with whom to create traditions and make memories, just as his departed wife had wished for him.
Caroline Manning
Caroline Manning lost her husband of 42 years in 2018. Thoroughly entrenched in the community, when he wasn’t at his law firm, John coached baseball and played tennis. He was the first Chairman of the Board at the Robert Fowler YMCA where he served on multiple committees thereafter.
He also hosted the Good Friday breakfast for thousands of people and delivered sermons to the children at Simpsonwood United Methodist Church every Sunday for 30 years. Needless to say, John was a busy man.
He died as he lived, assisting others. He was having fun with dear friends while helping a parishioner who had been evicted. They were boxing and transporting her belongings to an apartment on a hot September day. John, who had lived with Type 2 diabetes for 25 years, was seen jovially directing traffic. No one noticed he was declining.
In addition to taking insulin to keep blood sugar levels steady, diabetics must also remain vigilant and eat at certain times. Thinking he’d be home by noon, John had overextended himself in the warm weather, likely fueled only by a donut breakfast with his church group.
Probably feeling shaky by 2:00 in the afternoon as his blood sugar plummeted, he announced he was going to get something to eat.
“He was too busy to pay attention. He knew how to deal with it but would get so wrapped up in whatever project he was involved in. I would say, ‘John, you’re a grown man. If you feel bad, you need to stop and get something to eat.’ This was before FreeStyle Libre that checks your blood sugar and keeps you posted,” Caroline said.
At home preparing to receive guests, Caroline was contacted by a Duluth policeman with news that John had gone to Burger King, choked and passed out. Someone performed the Heimlich maneuver and John was rushed to Joan Glancy Memorial Hospital.
She was told to get to the hospital immediately.
The unexpected
Upon arrival, the receptionist sent her to a room. When a grief counselor introduced herself, Caroline thought she must have the wrong person.
Then the doctor came in and abruptly delivered the message, “I’m sorry to tell you this, Mrs. Manning, but your husband has passed away.” The choking had caused a heart attack. John was 70.
Caroline alerted the church that John wouldn’t be giving the Sunday sermon. She and her daughter Catherine fielded a barrage of questions as doctors sought to determine the cause of death. Her eldest, Sarah Frances, rushed home from Hilton Head.
Anticipatory grief
Edwards explained anticipatory grief. If you can see it coming, whether it’s a terminal illness, an addiction, a loved one’s behavior that could cause their demise, grieving begins while the person is still alive.
“When you fear you’re losing this person, in the back of your mind you know unless something changes, this is likely going to end in their death, you’re already grieving,” Edwards said.
Those suffering anticipatory grief may wonder why they’re not more sorrowful once the individual passes away. “I ask clients to tell me about before. Before was full of so much grief or worry. Afterwards, it’s almost like a sigh of relief. Grief is more than sadness,” Edwards said.
After the initial shock, Caroline experienced a sense of calm. It was the end of her distress every time John left the house. She no longer had to worry about him living on the edge. It may seem unusual to those unfamiliar with this phenomenon, but it is indeed, part of grief.
She and her daughters had witnessed more of John’s risky behavior and cautioned him repeatedly.
Wishing he’d had FreeStyle Libre to beep at him, Caroline shared, “We worried constantly. He’d stay too long at the office or go to a meeting and not eat. By the time he’d get home, he’d be shaking and sweating. We’d get mad.”
Fearing the worst, Caroline insisted on moving his office from Buckhead back to Peachtree Corners; John was having episodes of feeling light-headed driving home.
She had asked him, just months before he passed, what his wishes would be for his funeral. She knew he’d have specific requests for songs and Bible verses, and she noted those.
Losing a patriarch
John’s departure was swift. “Because we didn’t see any suffering, what we had to do is learn to live without him,” Caroline said.
She was at ease assuming the role of hostess. “People were coming over. I was explaining what had happened and making everyone feel comfortable,” she said.
Sarah Frances, who worked in public relations at the time, kicked into PR mode. She wrote the obituary, planned the funeral, created the program and contacted everyone. She was in full-blown funeral mode.
“That’s how Sara Frances handled her grief. She wanted it to be the most perfect funeral, if there is such a thing,” Caroline said.
Diabetes can kill you
Stressing the seriousness of diabetes — a disease that can unexpectedly kill you — Sarah Frances also contributed to a cautionary article for a legal publication. The response was surprising. Caroline heard from several attorneys with Type 2 diabetes who never thought they could die from it.
The family was stunned by comments like, “I’d just get a Coke and a candy bar to bring my blood sugar levels up,” Caroline said.
Wives reached out declaring they had never fretted, having no idea this could happen. “I don’t know what doctors are doing wrong. People think they can eat and do whatever they want, as long as they’re taking meds. So much to learn,” Caroline sighed.
Count your blessings
John’s doctor provided some consolation, pointing out that he could’ve gone into a coma. “I firmly believe God took him quickly as opposed to letting him stay in a coma. He would not have liked to have a debilitating disease. He died the way he would’ve wanted — doing what he loved with people he loved — and not in bed, sick,” Caroline said.
“He was never sick. He never missed church or work. I think we’d all hope to die like that — quickly, no suffering, no putting your family through struggles. I count that as a blessing,” she added.
No time for a meltdown
Fraught with projects, there was no time to stop. It was likely self-preservation that had her functioning on autopilot. “I didn’t have a real meltdown,” Caroline said.
She’d been suggesting they downsize and encouraging John to either close his office or work from home for years. Not wanting the task of maintaining their family home alone, Caroline was quick to get it on the market.
She also closed down John’s law firm. It was a daunting undertaking; he had practiced for over 40 years.
Just days prior to his passing away, the couple had started cleaning out their basement — a job she was left to complete on her own.
Same loss, different grief
“I had all those projects lined up. I was consumed with all that. I think the girls have struggled more than I have. They were both very close to their dad,” Caroline said.
Each of the Mannings’ daughters would tell you they were John’s favorite. Sarah Frances, who inherited John’s exuberant personality, sought grief counseling.
Advice
Selecting Crowell Brothers Funeral Home on Peachtree Industrial Boulevard proved to be beneficial. “They were wonderful to work with. They handled everything,” Caroline said.
They fought for three months to obtain the certificate of death without which one cannot sell property or collect life insurance. They remained in constant contact with Caroline, who deems them “fabulous.”
According to Caroline, grief must be processed one step at a time. She has moved from one step to the next with the help of her girls and her grand-girls, who are a huge part of her life.
Decisions, decisions
The hardest thing for Caroline was facing choices alone. She was glad to have the support of her daughters.
“When you’ve been married for 42 years, the hardest thing is making a decision by myself,” Caroline revealed.
Without an equal partner to help weigh ideas, she realized that whatever happened going forward, was going to be her call. It was daunting at first, but now she’s more comfortable with it.
“I’m loving being in charge,” she chuckled.
The company of a man
When Caroline and John were together, the couple enjoyed mutual respect and a lot of fun. They loved cooking and entertaining, music and theatre.
Caroline misses his humor, companionship and the fun surprises he’d plan, like scavenger hunts and progressive dinners spanning multiple restaurants.
“John liked to go and do,” Caroline smiled. “Not having any men in my life has been challenging. They do bring a lot. I’m only now reaching that point.”
New life
“I feel like I am where I’m supposed to be,” Caroline shared.
She’s moved to a home she loves in a conveniently located neighborhood of both young families and empty nesters. “It’s a nice mix. A great group of people. The women get together for happy hour at the pool,” she said.
Embracing a new career, Caroline adores substitute teaching at her granddaughters’ school. They bring their friends by to meet their “Mimi.”
Caroline is ready for the next chapter in her life.
Bottom line
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone. Tell your people how much you love them often and treasure the special moments you are able to share with them.
Part 2 of Life After Loss is scheduled to appear in the next issue of Peachtree Corners Magazine.
For a therapist who will meet you wherever you are on your grief journey, contact Edwards at 470-668-5930 or email info@edwardspac.com.
Local small business owner has found a way to keep mosquitos at bay with natural remedies
Geoff Krstovic, a former firefighter, transitioned into the mosquito control business after a divorce, driven by the desire for flexible work.
“Nobody ever thinks they’re going to be into bugs and chemistry when they grow up,” he said. “It’s not like, ‘I want to be a firefighter. I want to be an astronaut.’ Nobody thinks that they want to go out there whacking bugs or says, ‘I want to be in pest control.’”
But as he progressed in his new career, Krstovic took an interest in how to get rid of pests without using harsh, man-made chemicals.
“The more certifications, the more promotions and everything that I got, [and] the more entomology classes I started taking, … I really started to realize what we were putting out into the environment,” he said.
“I spend 90% of my time outside, and I see so much wildlife. So, when I would see a deer eating a leaf or a rabbit run out of bushes that I just treated, it really made me start to think about the effects of what we were doing to them.”
Not to mention pollinators like bees and butterflies.
“When I [would finish a treatment], I’d look back at the yard and everything that I’d seen flying around was just gone,” he said.
As a parent and a pet owner, he knew there had to be a better way to get rid of pests but still safeguard ourselves and the animals around us.
With a growing concern for the environmental impact, he developed a natural mosquito treatment system. The company he was working for wasn’t interested in his new product, so he started his own business.
Road to pest control
Krstovic graduated from Georgia State with a major in English. He joked that many of his contemporaries in the field have similar backgrounds.
“There’s an ongoing joke in the pest community where it’s like … what do you go to college [for] to be a pest [control] owner? Well, you major in liberal arts, English or writers’ composition,” he said.
“A lot of the other owners I met had the same degrees. A big part of it is that creativity aspect, and in pest control, you’re allowed to think outside the box, and you’re allowed to adjust and adapt to what you’re seeing and use different methods.”
That desire to do things differently led him to find a way to help keep people safe from West Nile, Zika virus and Eastern equine encephalitis while they enjoyed time outdoors.
With a lot of research and a little help from relatives with backgrounds in chemistry and engineering, he came up with a formulation based on using essential oils.
The dangers of mosquitos
“After you meet your first client that tells you about their experience just walking to a mailbox and they get West Nile, it changes your perspective 100%,” Krstovic said, “because you’re not just out there killing bugs, you’re out there protecting people and their families.”
Mosquitos are often called the most dangerous animal on earth, with the diseases they spread killing over a million people annually according to statistics from the World Health Organization and Centers for Disease Control.
While the more serious mosquito diseases don’t pose the greatest risk to most communities, there are common ailments that can show up in people and pets, including bites that get infected and heartworm in dogs.
Reaching out to the community
Though people were a little skeptical about Krstovic’s natural pest control methods at first, Erin Rhatigan decided to give it a try.
“Geoff cold-called our house in 2021 and revealed that he actually grew up in the house next door,” she said. “He really wanted to return to his roots and offer his services.”
Rhatigan has three young children, and with her home being situated on the Chattahoochee River, the outdoor areas are beautiful, but also plagued by a lot of mosquitos.
“We’re very focused on spending time outside, and our kids are very, very active, so they’re outside a lot,” she said.
But Rhatigan and her kids are also very sensitive to mosquito bites, and the spraying services she tried year after year weren’t satisfactory.
“I had gone through every franchise. I had used the large companies every season. I was switching because it seemed like it would be effective at the beginning, and then it would lose effectiveness,” she said.
She was also concerned about the toxicity of the chemicals being used.
“I felt like using toxic chemicals on our property was not only bad for our family, but because we are on the river, we’re kind of a steward to the environment as well, … so when he mentioned that the product that he uses to control the mosquitoes was eco-friendly, I was happy to try it,” she shared.
Local solution gets a local investor
The treatment was so effective that Rhatigan isn’t just a customer, she and her husband decided to invest in the business.
“It was better than anything I had used for the previous 10 years,” she said. “The amazing thing is that when he sprays the property, you have this effervescence of the essential oils in the air.”
She recommended Geo Mosquito to everyone who’d listen to her, and eventually Krstovic took over maintaining the facilities at Rhatigan’s community pool.
“[What he was doing] kind of piqued my husband’s and my interest because we were looking for a small business to invest in locally,” she said. “I’m now home with the kids, but I have a long career in sales, and my husband is in sales as well.”
Within a year, the couple became active investors.
“We love the origin story of this relationship because it’s reflective of how friendly and supportive the local business community is in Peachtree Corners,” she said.
Caring about the work
Krstovic attributes his success to caring about the work, attention to detail and understanding client needs. He doesn’t just spray the yard and leave; he has a system of mapping out problem areas and educating clients about prevention.
“We’re looking at anything that could hold a water source and eliminating that, asking our clients what time of the day they’re getting eaten up, what part of their body and what part of their yard,” he said.
“That helps us figure out the species of mosquito that’s attacking them, so we know where to target, because different species have different nesting sites.”
Growing the business
Geo Mosquito has begun working with Vox-pop-uli to upgrade their logo, website and promotional materials.
“Geoff is a typical entrepreneur — protective of what he’s doing,” Rhatigan said. “So going through the steps of changing the logo, coming up with a new tagline, starting to do some marketing, is both exciting and a little scary.”
But the team at Vox-pop-uli has been a tremendous resource — helping them go at their own pace.
“This first year of investment was about seeing what the market interest is and expanding brand awareness,” said Rhatigan. “Vox-pop-uli offers so many services, it’s daunting for an emerging company to manage so many different contractors: creative, graphic design, printing, mailing. But they have a great, responsive organization that has been very helpful.”
Next steps
With a proprietary formulation for the mosquito abatement, Geo Mosquito wants to bottle the solution and sell it nationally.
Additionally, in 2025, the company plans to expand into ecofriendly pest control services for inside the home. They are also interested in working with local municipalities, churches and schools to expand their mosquito control services.
The Local Thread: This business profile series is proudly supported by Vox-pop-uli, championing local stories and the communities we serve.
This article is also available in the print and digital edition of the Jan/Feb issue of Southwest Gwinnett magazine.
Photos courtesy of Geo Mosquito.
According to physicians, educators and child psychologists, there are myriad reasons parents encourage their young children to play soccer:
- Physical fitness: Soccer is a fast-paced sport that can help improve cardiovascular health, muscular strength, flexibility and endurance.
- Motor skills: Soccer involves running, kicking, dribbling and passing, which can help develop balance, agility and coordination.
- Socialization: Soccer can help children make friends from different backgrounds and cultures.
- Teamwork: Soccer is a team sport that teaches children the value of cooperation and working together towards a common goal.
- Life skills: Soccer can help children develop discipline, perseverance and resilience.
- Emotional intelligence: Soccer can help children develop empathy and emotional intelligence.
- Stress reduction: Playing soccer can help reduce stress and anxiety by releasing endorphins that elevate mood.
- Confidence: Consistent practice and dedication can help children build confidence and overcome obstacles.
- Gender equality: Participating in sports like soccer can help break down gender stereotypes.
- Enjoyment: Soccer can help encourage children to enjoy their childhood and stay in school.
It’s for those objectives and more that members of the Peachtree Corners Football Club (PCFC) are working so hard to sustain and grow their program.
A growing community
Nearly three years ago, three local parents had the idea to build an organization for their children to reap the benefits of recreational soccer.
“We found out that we were linked to the athletic club called Peachtree Booster Club,” said Gavin Meech, a club committee member, parent coach and member of the small group that revitalized the soccer program. “It’s sort of an overarching group that also looks after the roller hockey at Pinckneyville Park in Norcross.”
They realized that back in 1975, a youth soccer program called the Jones Bridge Soccer Club was formed at Jones Bridge Park. Now renamed the Peachtree Corners Football Club, the parents decided to put the time and energy into revitalizing — and growing — the decades-old program.
In February 2022, the three coaches had 170 kids. The program now has nearly 300 kids across 30 teams. The club emphasizes community involvement, with over 5,000 volunteer hours annually from parents and coaches. Challenges include managing growth and ensuring sustainability, though the club aims to expand its field space and engage more local businesses for partnerships.
The organization will soon celebrate 50 years of providing youth recreational level soccer to the local community in the southwest corner of Gwinnett County. And registration for the upcoming season is nearly full, highlighting the need for continued community support and involvement.
Bringing new energy to an old club
Initially, the group faced challenges in forming the soccer club, including linking with the Peachtree Booster Club and learning administrative tasks.
“That first season was a steep learning curve, and we ended up, I think, with about 170 kids,” said Meech. “So we were driving around Peachtree Corners, sticking the little signs anywhere that we were legally allowed. A few of us were grabbing anybody that would slightly suggest they would help by being a parent coach and things like that.”
Fast forward to this past season where there were just under 300 kids and 30 teams.
“We are now oversubscribed,” he added. “Our return rate is in excess of 80% of the kids and their families. So, it’s really become something that once they join, they return, and through word of mouth, more want to join.”
The club is community-centric, with kids from local schools like Simpson, Berkeley Lake and Cornerstone taking part. Volunteers naturally step forward and get involved, with no formal process.
“[Rapid growth] is a great problem to have. So we’re working with [Gwinnett County Parks and Recreation] at the moment to try and see if we can gain more field space,” Meech said. “We started to utilize the big field near the Aquatic Center. It’s similar in size to Jones Bridge field, but it’s got a slightly different classification at the moment.”
Right now, several clubs are using that space, so a huge obstacle is finding some place to play that’s local so that families won’t have to traipse all over the metro area.
“We don’t want to lose our identity by expanding too big, because that’s hard to manage,” he added.
Community engagement and future plans
Committee member Mathew Shamloo credits Meech with pulling him into the mix.
“I’d say that Gavin has a very unassuming gravitational pull,” he said. “There’s no real process to it. I think it’s just naturally the people who want to be involved step forward and, whether or not they are asked, they’re just kind of pulled in inch by inch.”
Shamloo is also a coach, but had no prior experience.
“I had no real ties to soccer before this,” he said. “My daughter wanted to play. My background is in basketball.”
So he utilized some of the fundamentals that apply to any team sport and researched best coaching practices.
“I want her to play soccer because it’s easily accessible, it’s local, it’s right around the corner from us,” he said. “It was like, ‘Hey, there’s soccer. We can start there.’”
Like most parents, Meech and Shamloo don’t have dreams that their kids will turn into David Beckham or Brandi Chastain. But if the kids have those aspirations, PCFC has ties to bigger opportunities.
“I think what we’ve managed to achieve is we have raised the bar on rec sports, and we are able to compete, but we’re fundamentally a rec club,” said Meech. “I think some of the challenges of the past [are] where you get to a point where you say, ‘Well, should we become an academy? Should we offer the next level of competition to the kids?’ But sort of the mentality we’ve had, and kind of our foundation, is no, that Peachtree Corners is a local rec club.”
In order to keep doing what they do in an amateur Ted Lasso fashion and stay around for another 50 years, the club focuses on community and engagement with local businesses for partnerships rather than sponsorships.
“Our soccer club and families are more than just a group of people that meet for our kids to play a sport,” said Meech. “Traditionally, you engage with local business for sponsorship, but we’re very lucky in the sense that, as a nonprofit supported by parks and rec with facilities, we don’t need a huge amount of sponsorship.”
Expanding the community
Soccer is easily accessible globally because all you need is a ball and a goal and some grass or something similar, so the costs are relatively low, he added.
“We’ve been able to engage with local restaurants, other sporting facilities and work in more of a partnership with them to create this wider community beyond Jones Bridge soccer playing fields,” he said.
Both men pointed out that they go to Town Center or other sporting events with their families and inevitably bump into Peachtree Corners FC players and family members everywhere.
“Local businesses reach out to us and try and find out how they can contribute,” said Meech.
Although the club is at capacity, it still invites families and businesses to visit and see the activities firsthand. The committee members want to build awareness and community involvement, as the club aims to continue growing and providing a positive experience for all involved while maintaining its community-centric focus.
For more information about the Peachtree Corners Football Club, visit pcfcsoccer.com.
Many of us are consumed by the day-to-day of life’s hustle and bustle, doing our best to navigate our relationships, provide for our families and live comfortably. A select few meet with great success on all fronts.
Fewer still somehow manage to lead extraordinarily accomplished existences with gumption, energy and talent left to spare, positively impacting circles far larger than their own family unit.
One such exceptional person, and longtime Peachtree Corners resident, is Jim Gaffey. Allow me to introduce you to the most extraordinary neighbor you never knew you had. I had the honor of speaking to him while he was spending time at his second home in the North Carolina mountains.
With a charming wife, thriving children and grandkids entering the fold, the former BellSouth executive is winning in the game of life. But it’s his heart for seeing others win that is something to behold.
He worked up from an entry-level installer pulling cables to a successful career in telecommunications, and from a first-generation Irish American teaching youngsters to read in Spanish Harlem to having a hand in peacemaking efforts in Northern Ireland.
With modesty, Gaffey would tell you that his work in Northern Ireland wasn’t remarkable because there were a plethora of well-funded protests taking place when he was a young man in the 1960s and 70s. I beg to differ.
Why The Troubles were troubling
After gaining its independence in 1922, Ireland seceded from the United Kingdom to become the independent Irish Free State except for the six northeastern counties that comprise Northern Ireland, creating the partition of Ireland.
The Nationalists, largely Catholics, wanted Northern Ireland to become part of the republic of Ireland. The overwhelmingly Protestant Unionists wished to remain part of the United Kingdom. The violent sectarian conflict in Northern Ireland known as The Troubles erupted in 1968 after having been stoked by hundreds of years of tumultuous history.
Gaffey described the rather draconian, anti-Catholic situation, which he prefers to view through the lens of “the haves versus the have-nots” instead of joining the media in playing-up the battle of the religions. In truth, voting laws seemed fair; but in practice, they were very unfavorable to Catholics.
Local voting was subject to property qualifications which made matters even worse. Business owners — disproportionately Protestant — who owned multiple properties got multiple votes.
“You had some people with no vote at all and some people with overloaded gerrymandering of the districts and sitting in parliament,” Gaffey said. This would ensure a Protestant majority in as many constituencies as possible.
Hence, in Northern Ireland, the religious makeup of your community determined the quality of your housing, public services and the jobs available to you. Peaceful protests were not kindly received.
Understandably, those who had enjoyed centuries of unfair advantages wanted to keep things just as they were.
Brooklyn boy
The son of Irish immigrants, Gaffey was moved by the civil unrest going on across the pond. He authored an essay about the crisis while studying at City University of New York with a focus on the Special Powers Act passed by the Parliament of Northern Ireland in 1922. The act was meant to restore order but was ruthlessly used to suppress the Nationalists’ opposition to politics that significantly favored the Unionists.
“The Special Powers Act allowed the authorities in Northern Ireland to arrest without charge and hold indefinitely up to six years without a trial or any kind of a court hearing. People were placed in concentration camp facilities,” Gaffey explained.
The British Army began a policy of internment without trial in Northern Ireland in 1971 during Operation Demetrius which would last until 1975.
Skin in the game
In 1969, when Gaffey’s university paper was distributed to the head of the Transport Workers Union in New York City and to the National Council of Churches, it was decided he should be sent to Northern Ireland to learn what was going on and report back to the United States. The street smarts he’d acquired growing up in Brooklyn were about to be put to the test.
Gaffey first landed in Ireland on August 15, 1969 — the day after the British army had arrived. Armed only with legal writing pads, he was instructed to walk the streets, meet and live with the locals, observe, write weekly reports detailing his findings and send them through the postal system, as was customary then.
“When something big was happening, like the British army going into a certain area, we used telegrams,” he said.
“The Unionists began to attack and burn whole villages, trying to force out the Nationalists and stop the civil rights movement. The British government decided that too many people were being killed and driven out of their homes. Whole rows of homes were burnt down. All those families had to flee,” Gaffey said.
The U.S. didn’t want to interfere but craved a better understanding of what was going on with their close allies in the United Kingdom.
“People here, even people in Irish organizations, couldn’t understand why two Christian communities were attacking one another,” Gaffey explained.
Between 1968 and 1972, Gaffey traveled to Northern Ireland 12 times, living in both Unionist and Nationalist communities, learning from them. He shared what was unfolding with the U.S. by reporting to congressional officials and testifying to the House Foreign Affairs Committee.
An uncomfortable situation
Asked if he was fearful, Gaffey replied, “I was very cautious. I was stopped and frisked in the streets by British soldiers and held for a period of time until my paperwork could be approved by some officer at least 12 times,” he revealed.
Anyone moving from one tiny community to the other in that area — no larger than Connecticut — or traveling with recognizable people as he was, was likely to be stopped, especially if they were obviously not dock workers or coal miners, the type of individuals one would expect to see there.
Observers knew to always carry their passports and visas, and say they were just visiting friends and relatives if questioned. “We were sent in with the cards of American diplomatic officials to call in case it got serious,” Gaffey said.
Gaffey recounts harrowing tales like that of the late John Hume being taken to meet the Irish Republican Army (IRA) in the trunk of a car to start the peace process because he wasn’t allowed to know where he was going.
Hidden under a blanket is how Gaffey was once driven speedily across the border into the Republic of Ireland when violence broke out in Derry. Besides developing an instinct for knowing when it was time to leave, when he wasn’t evading hostilities, he found himself in discussions with very aggressive, angry people resisting the push for change.
“Communities were devastated, people were beaten. It was a horrible situation,” Gaffey stated.
Forward, march!
“I was in three civil rights marches in Dungannon, Belfast and Londonderry: two in 1970 and one in 1971. I was pelted with rocks and stones by folks who did not like these marches in Northern Ireland,” Gaffey shared.
Just the thought of marching in such circumstances with 12 to 14,000 people organized by the Northern Ireland Civil Rights Association (NICRA) would strike terror in the hearts of most people. But men like Gaffey are a different breed.
“I was too busy ducking horse and cow manure to be terrified. When you were marching through these farmlands into cities where an election might be coming up, they got pretty feisty,” he said.
According to Gaffey, Nationalist chants were met with cries of “No surrender!” by Unionists who had a monopoly on everything.
— “We shall overcome!”
— “No surrender!”
— “We want jobs!”
— “No surrender!”
When the guns came out and things got extremely violent, the observers were pulled out of Northern Ireland.
After Ireland
What Gaffey had witnessed in Northern Ireland motivated him to help even more. He became the National Student Organizer of the National Association for Irish Justice (NAIJ) and traveled across the United States speaking at numerous universities including Yale, Harvard and Berkeley.
His goal? To educate students about what was going on in Northern Ireland and encourage them to become involved by protesting the blatant discrimination against the Catholics.
“We were the financial supporter in the United States for the NICRA who modeled themselves after the Civil Rights Movement in America,” Gaffey said. Able to garner support from the universities he visited, NAIJ chapters sprang up. Gaffey later served as the National Coordinator of the NAIJ.
As the Coordinator, Gaffey formally represented the NICRA in the United States at speaking engagements, public presentations and protests.
Over the years, Gaffey has met with four sitting U.S. Presidents about Northern Ireland: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George W. and Laura Bush and Barack and Michelle Obama. He served on a committee of 20 charged with organizing the Obamas’ first trip to Ireland.
Luck of the Irish
John Lennon, who had participated in a march in London, backed the civil rights movement and supported the NICRA. Lennon attended NICRA meetings and spoke at rallies in the United States. Gaffey had dinners with both he and Yoko Ono.
“He carried around our first son,” Gaffey beamed. “He was one of the most empathetic people I’ve ever met. Anything that was happening around him affected him emotionally, almost physically. When he was associated with us, he was taking in every bit of information,” he added.
Lennon and Ono wrote “The Luck of the Irish” in 1971, donating all proceeds from the song to Irish civil rights organizations in Ireland and New York. Other supporters of the cause were Arlo Guthrie and the group Peter, Paul and Mary, who entertained at rallies and fundraisers free of charge, as did Lennon.
The lyrics of U2’s signature song, “Sunday Bloody Sunday” evoke the horrors of one of the darkest days of the Troubles in Northern Ireland when British troops shot and killed 13 unarmed Roman Catholic civil rights supporters, injuring 14 others (one later died), during a protest march in Derry on Sunday, January 30, 1972.
The Good Friday Agreement
On April 10, 1998, Irish Nationalist politicians John Hume and David Trimble, the Northern Irish leader, steered the Protestant majority and their Catholic rivals into a peace deal known as The Good Friday Agreement.
“Unfortunately, Trimble doesn’t get a lot of play because his community hated him for doing it,” Gaffey said.
The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded jointly to Hume and Trimble that year “for their efforts to find a peaceful solution to the conflict in Northern Ireland.”
When it was all said and done, 3,720 people in a population of about 1.5 million were killed in Northern Ireland over a 30-year period during the Troubles.
With 21 miles of “peace walls,” separating Irish republican from British loyalist neighborhoods, increasing in number and size since the signing of the Good Friday Agreement, it’s clear there is ongoing turmoil.
Martin Luther King III
In 2015, Gaffey was asked by those in Northern Ireland trying to settle things down to bring his friend Martin Luther King III with him to meet face-to-face with people on both sides. Gaffey followed through with King by his side.
“I think eventually, possibly within our lifetimes, we’ll witness the unification of Northern Ireland and Ireland into one country,” Gaffey stated. Despite the continued unrest, Gaffey maintains a vision of hope. Call it pollyannaish if you must, but I think I’ll join him in his prediction of a better tomorrow.
Avocation life
Gaffey discusses avocations like they’re as essential as breathing. I suspect he assumes we all partake in multiple activities in addition to our regular occupations.
In 2002, he founded The Gaffey Group, an international trading company. He’s brought 47 companies out of Northern Ireland to the United States on trade missions. Today, he assists the successful ones by procuring investors.
“I’ve gone on trade missions to Northern Ireland with Governor Sonny Perdue and Lieutenant Governor Casey Cagle. I also took Governor Bob Riley of Alabama and a team on a trade mission there,” Gaffey said.
Gaffey serves on the Peace Harmony Joy Alliance which mirrors his own belief in leading a purposeful life.
As an advisor to The Carter Center on conflict resolution, Gaffey has investigated third world and local issues.
In case you were unaware that it might need saving, Gaffey serves on the ad hoc committee to save the Good Friday Agreement. Deeming it necessary for future success, he calls it a pressure group.
He explained, “It’s always in peril. Although everybody signed a peace agreement, they’ve found less than half of the weapons that were being used. There are still incidents. They’re still looking for people who were never found.”
Leaving a legacy
Gaffey plans to donate an archive of over 300 documents to The Linen Hall, the oldest library in Belfast. His records of fundraising and support include financials, what they did, who they were raising money from, who they supported as well as communications addressed by leaders of the NICRA.
“I can’t believe the news today,” Bono first crooned in the 1980s about the heightened conflict in early 1970s Northern Ireland. Regrettably, we can look at wars going on across the globe today and say the same.
It seems as long as humankind exists, so too will conflict. The only comfort is knowing there will also always be those upholding justice and equality. If you’re lucky enough to meet one such person committed to peace, seize the occasion to hear stories of hope that can emerge from even the deepest trenches of despair.
There you have it, Peachtree Corners! I hope you’ve enjoyed meeting our very notable neighbor Jim Gaffey as much as I have.
This article originally ran in the October/November issue of Peachtree Corners Magazine. You can read the digital edition here.
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