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Good Grief: Life After Loss, Part 2
Published
1 year agoon
Traumatic Loss Spurs a Call to Action
Part 2 of 3
We sadly lost the legendary Tina Turner this year. The superstar didn’t fear death. She believed it was just part of life.
But what happens when death is not at all part of the natural order of things? What happens when a nine-year-old child loses her mommy at the hands of an ex-boyfriend, when a mother of three is senselessly murdered or when a son in the prime of his life is lost to a drug overdose?
These unspeakable tragedies led to the making of a grief and trauma counselor, a push towards legislation to protect drivers of ride-hailing apps and the launch of an organization aimed at saving lives.
“My mom was murdered when I was nine.”
When she was a little girl, Grief, Trauma and Domestic Violence Therapist Danielle Edwards went to school one morning, not knowing she’d never see her mother again. Her mother’s ex-boyfriend, Nat — whom Edwards knew well and had visited with — had been stalking her mother. He was a correctional officer.
A month prior, her mother was hospitalized after Nat assaulted her in front of their home. On the day Edwards’ mom went to get a protective order, Nat followed her to a friend’s house and shot both her and her friend to death.
The house was full of people when Edwards came in from playing that day; the pastor, the police, everyone was there except her mom. Her aunts were crying.
Even at such a tender age, Edwards was able to deduce her mother had been killed. Before her grandmother could share the sad news, Edwards asked, “Is she dead?”
A white rose represented her loss at the next Mother’s Day brunch, but Edwards did not receive any counseling. Though her grandmother had talked to her about going to see a “different kind of doctor,” her uncle didn’t feel therapy was necessary.
Adults ultimately make that call for children. Depending upon a family’s cultural views about psychotherapy, some children may be denied services that would undoubtedly be helpful.
Domestic violence and homicide
Imagine being haunted by thoughts of what the last moments were like for a relative who was murdered.
“Finding out your loved one died in a violent way is traumatic. It feels like a violation. Someone was taken from you. You don’t get to tie up loose ends or say good-bye. You can’t believe this horrible thing has happened,” Edwards shared.
Edwards was impacted by domestic violence and her mother’s homicide as well as the subsequent grief she experienced as a child but, unfortunately, did not receive any wrap-around services.
As a child, she didn’t ask a lot of questions. She understood her mother wasn’t coming back and remembers being unable to go to bed alone for a while.
“I don’t recall how I did immediately, but eventually I did fine. I remember looking up at the stars and asking God, “Why?” I wanted to call Heaven,” Edwards recounted.
Today, Edwards is part of the Georgia Murder/Suicide Response Network and proud of the progress the state is making to provide families with the tools necessary to process this very specific type of loss and grief.
“It felt like a natural progression from my own experiences to an interest in providing grief support to others,” she said.
Full circle
Thirty years after losing her mother, Edwards found herself sitting under those same stars, providing support to grieving kids at Camp MAGIK. “It felt like such a full circle moment for me,” she said.
Having seen how grief impacted her own family, Edwards is an advocate for kids receiving help. “I see it in the work I do at the grief camps. Survivors need support to navigate grief as a family particularly if there are children,” she said.
There’s now a program through the Georgia Commission on Family Violence focused on providing assistance to people impacted by domestic violence, murder and suicide.
Caught in the crossfire
A 31-year-old single mother of three trying to make ends meet, Lauren Allen lost her life to a shooter one night in Lithonia. Peachtree Corners Councilman Joe Sawyer and his wife Kim were alerted that something terrible had happened to their daughter on the evening of November 21, 2022.
A friend who regularly stayed on the phone with her for safety — they were both Lyft drivers — heard the moment Lauren was shot.
“I was nervous, in a panic, pacing the floor, trying to call around everywhere,” Kim said. “We tried to find out what was going on. The detectives confirmed her death at about 2 a.m.”
There was no getting close to the crime scene. The Sawyers relied on WSB-TV journalist Larry Spruill Jr. who was covering the story for information.
Lauren had dropped off a passenger who was disputing with the father of her children during the ride to his house. Seven months pregnant, the passenger was on her way to pick up her baby. She asked Lauren to wait for her.
“All we know is that the man came running out of the house, chasing the girl with a 22-assault rifle. He started shooting but she jumped back in the car, and they were able to get away. He chased them on foot.
“At some point, Lauren pulled over to call 911. It was dark. The man ran up to the passenger side and shot up the car. The passenger got away, but Lauren wasn’t able to; she was still in her seatbelt. She was found hanging out of her car door,” Councilman Sawyer shared.
Eyewitnesses reported seeing the car “light up with gunfire” and smoke pouring out of the vehicle when a door was opened. The shooter was later killed when officers returned fire at a nearby gas station.
“He didn’t know Lauren was a Lyft driver. She was just doing her job,” Councilman Sawyer said.
The Sawyers, tasked with cleaning out their daughter’s car, were able to count at least 18 bullet holes. They found a photograph of Lauren and her kids in the car. In Lauren’s place in the photo, there was just a bullet hole, but the children’s images remained intact.
Lauren was torn away from her children, family and friends forever because of a quarrel that had nothing to do with her.
The power of community
The social connections forged by the Sawyers during their 34 years together have helped to sustain them in many ways during their darkest hours. Family and friends flooded their home, so they were not alone when they received verification of their worst nightmare.
“There were probably 30 people here. When something happens, we’re all there — brothers, sisters, everybody,” Councilman Sawyer said.
Their church group, surrounding congregations, the City of Peachtree Corners and nearby municipalities reached out to them. Atlanta Mayor Andre Dickens had a proclamation honoring Lauren delivered to her viewing. His representatives were the first to arrive.
Crowell Brothers Funeral Home collected Lauren’s body from the coroner’s office and sheltered Kim from seeing her daughter before she was funeral ready. “I wanted to see her, but they told me to wait, not to see her like that,” Kim said.
One of her oldest friends saw to it that Lauren’s makeup was just right on the morning of the service. The family is grateful to the Senior Pastor of Peachtree Corners Baptist Church, Jay Hackett, for holding Lauren’s homegoing service where she was baptized.
“Grief is hard. Without the community it would’ve been a lot harder. We’ve had a meal train, donations to the Go Fund Me Account (gofund.me/28d0ee33). This made us feel loved. It’s meant a lot to us and helped us make it through,” Councilman Sawyer stated.
Keeping it together
With the help of a well-respected Peachtree Corners attorney, the Sawyers are seeking full custody of Lauren’s children by two different fathers, rather than splitting up the siblings. They had always taken care of their grandchildren, who range in age from 8 to 13, while Lauren worked.
It’s not an easy task for “Mimi” and “Papa” to care for three children but they wouldn’t have it any other way.
They feel it’s best to keep the children together, though one of the fathers is contesting it. “We’re not trying to keep him away. We want to keep her in an environment with her brother and sister. They’ve grown up together,” Councilman Sawyer said.
In the meantime, the children are in counseling. Kelsey and Kya go to Summit Counseling Center in John’s Creek. Kameron sees Jordan Yates, a licensed professional counselor (LPC) at Christ the King Lutheran Church.
The couple has been to grief counseling once but are challenged to find the time to return. They hope to join a church group in the fall.
When faith is rattled
According to Edwards, it’s not uncommon for bereaved individuals to wrestle with their spirituality. The grief counselor has witnessed people who hadn’t believed in a higher power begin to ponder the possibility after experiencing a loss. Conversely, she’s had clients with a previously ironclad belief system become upset and unsure following the loss of a loved one.
“If you were raised not to question your faith and suddenly you are questioning, you don’t know what to do with that. This is a place where you can talk about it. I’m not going to judge or tell you what to believe. I’m here to provide a space for you to work through whatever it is that’s coming up,” Edwards explained.
Councilman Sawyer found himself filled with hate for six months. “I hated the world. I was torn up, miserable. I couldn’t sleep. I stopped praying. I was too busy asking God why he took my daughter until my sister told me I needed to get rid of my anger because as I go, my family goes,” he said.
Then a friend in London called, urging him to let it go or he’d be consumed by hatred which would in turn, consume his family. When she prayed for him, it felt as though a weight had lifted. He instantly felt different.
That same day, Councilman Sawyer’s sister said, “I don’t know if you’re ready for this, but Lauren just crossed over. She went running to daddy, calling him “Papa”, and hugged him. Daddy was waiting on her in Heaven. Lauren didn’t want to leave you, Joe, because she knew you were in a bad spot.”
Brokenhearted herself, battling a stream of tears and trying to be strong, Kim was relieved when her spouse’s fury dissipated.
“Dealing with it and living with him was not very good. Thank goodness, it’s so much better,” she said. The couple believes things changed for the better because people were praying for them.
To each his own grief
Together they make a strong unit, but Councilman Sawyer and his wife have had some contrasting experiences. What is healing for one can be a trigger for the other. While Kim wishes to hear the 911 call made by Lauren for example, Councilman Sawyer does not.
Hearing “I’m sorry for your loss” is comforting to Kim who finds it difficult when people avoid discussing it. Councilman Sawyer prefers the remark from Senior Pastor of Northpoint Church, Andy Stanley: “I’m not going to say anything. I don’t have the words.”
While Kim is tormented about not having seen her daughter on that fateful day, Councilman Sawyer feels fortunate to have spent some quality father-daughter time with Lauren on the day of her shooting.
Everyone is distinct in their grieving. “It’s hard. You can be talking and all of a sudden you start crying. I see what Kim goes through. This has allowed us to spend more time together. Our marriage has gotten stronger,” Councilman Sawyer said.
Life-saving legislation
Hoping to lobby Georgia State Representatives Scott Hilton and Ruwa Romman, the Sawyers plan a push to have drivers of ride-hailing apps like Lyft and Uber be allowed to carry guns. They realize it’s a politically contentious issue.
According to Councilman Sawyer, it’s concerning that Georgia Governor Brian Kemp passed the permitless carry gun law in 2022, allowing citizens to carry handguns in public without a license or background check. The black community has the highest rate of gun deaths in America; he fears it will only increase as more states pass the same legislation.
The couple would rather see stronger licensing laws in place. They’re eager to work with both parties to achieve their goal. They don’t want what befell Lauren — being helpless in the face of a gunman, armed only with pepper spray — to happen to anyone else’s child.
The Sawyers cited a new Atlanta-based ride-sharing app (Black Wolf) that offers a bullet-proof SUV and armed drivers who are highly trained in security. They hope others will follow suit.
“Young people are buying guns. They don’t take classes. They’re going out and killing. It’s happening all over. It needs to be addressed,” Councilman Sawyer exclaimed. “These companies have to look out for their people. We’re arming the public. We have to make sure drivers are protected.”
To honor their daughter’s memory, the Sawyers have set their sights on getting what they hope to call “Lauren’s Law” sponsored, through the House of Representatives, and all the way to the governor’s desk. Fighting for the protection of these drivers is what they believe Lauren would want.
As they brace themselves to face life without her, Councilman Sawyer vowed, “I’m not gonna rest ‘til I get something done.”
Call 911
On April 14, 2022, Kathy Armistead also received an earth-shattering 2 a.m. phone call. “He’s gone,” her son’s friend said. Feeney was 33 years old. He’d gone out with a friend to get some cocaine, telling his girlfriend he’d be back soon.
When jovial, sports-loving, larger-than-life Feeney collapsed while using, his friend must’ve panicked. He didn’t administer CPR or call 911. Feeney died of cardiac arrest.
Armistead pieced a timeline together after emerging from having been frozen in grief for a month and was able to deduce that 30 to 40 minutes had lapsed before anyone dialed emergency services.
When the heart stops, the brain essentially dies after six minutes of oxygen deprivation. The hospital confirmed Feeney was brain-dead but because he was donating his body and organs, he was kept on a ventilator until they were ready to harvest everything usable the following day.
Feeney’s last act was one of the most generous conceivable; multiple recipients have benefitted from his life-saving organs and tissues.
“He was a force, a handsome, 6’3”, scruffy, mountainy-looking guy with a beard. He loved to let everyone know he was there and make everybody laugh. He was a live-life-to-the-fullest kind of guy,” Armistead beamed.
The hardest part of her loss is knowing that it didn’t have to happen. Feeney may have had a second chance at life had those around him acted quickly.
A mother’s good-bye
As she sat by his side in the hospital, Feeney appeared to be asleep. “He looked healthy, relaxed. He had just gotten back from the beach. He was laying like he would take a nap; his legs spread out,” Armistead recounted.
She was able to talk to him, scream at him, tell him how upset she was that he was leaving her this way. “I laughed and cried. It was really good for me, but some people didn’t look at it that way,” Armistead said.
The most majestic animal
As doctors pulled Feeney’s blanket off, Armistead spotted a bad tattoo on her son’s ankle — a giraffe. “I looked at Feeney and laughed, “What the hell is this?”
Friends provided the backstory. Feeney and some former colleagues had decided to get a tattoo. When they asked him what design he wanted, he replied, “I want a giraffe. Don’t you think it’s the most majestic animal in the world?” That sold them on the giraffe; they all got the same one.
Never having had a tattoo, Armistead chose to get one inked onto her own ankle in Feeney’s memory, but she opted for a more stylized giraffe drawn by her artistic mother.
“My daughter, my sister and I got one. Now I look down at my ankle and smile,” Armistead said.
Fred joins Feeney
Feeney’s dog, Fred, was at his funeral service roaming around greeting the attendees who came to pay their respects. A month later, Fred suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. It was another blow for the Armisteads, but they believe Feeney called him home.
At a loss for words
Edwards advises, “Let the bereaved person take the lead. If they want to talk about their loss, don’t change the subject. You don’t have to know what to say. You can just listen. If they don’t want to talk, don’t pry.”
Armistead is alarmed at how hesitant people of all ages are to talk about tragic deaths like drug overdoses, alcohol poisoning or car accidents involving driving under the influence. “It needs to be discussed, not silenced. If we’re quiet, it’ll keep happening,” she said.
Her 35-year-old niece has had 15 friends die since she graduated from college. A friend of Feeney’s shared that he’d been to four funerals the year Feeney passed. Armistead has a friend whose son attended eight funerals in his freshman year of college.
“What’s going on?! Nobody’s talking about it!” Armistead exclaimed.
Determined to break the silence, Armistead explained, “I give Feeney’s story body. I tell the truth about what happened. It makes a difference to the community and the world,” she said. Since risky behaviors are more common among youngsters who imagine themselves invincible, bringing awareness of potential consequences to this demographic is vital.
Realizing that others may be uncomfortable or unsure about how she’ll react, Armistead divulged how it’s awkward for a bereaved individual when nobody asks about it.
“They think I should be over this. That may or may not be true,” she acknowledged. When chatting with individuals who are mourning, Armistead suggests, “Don’t gloss over it.”
Guilt
What of the potential sense of shame associated with losing a child? “I think you’re guilty, no matter what, when your kid dies. It’s a fact. There’s guilt all around it, even if you had nothing to do with it,” Armistead shared.
Losing a child is the worst thing that could ever happen to someone in Armistead’s view, because it’s not the way life is supposed to go. She thanks God every day that she still has her daughter, Lia.
Kids may not comprehend how deeply connected parents are to them. “You have a heart string to each other. When you lose one, it’s just indescribable. It tears your heart apart,” Armistead sobbed.
Inertia was not an option if Armistead was to come through this tragedy. “Being active is a critical piece for me,” she said. “Even when he was in the hospital, I’d have to get out and walk.”
Determined to advocate for Feeney and ensure this doesn’t happen to others, Armistead’s beloved son was gone but her mission was born.
Founding the Feeney Legacy Project
Wishing to spare other parents from having to bear the loss of a child in this way, Armistead founded The Feeny Legacy Project (FLP). FLP is a growing grassroots, woman-led non-profit organization comprised of sisters, aunts and friends spanning in age from 13 to 85.
Launched on the first anniversary of Feeney’s death, the organization spreads awareness about the importance of calling first responders and administering CPR immediately to anyone in medical distress.
Some might hesitate to call 911 out of fear of incrimination for being high, intoxicated or in possession of illegal substances. FLP provides education about the Georgia Good Samaritan and 911 Amnesty Laws which protect those providing emergency care from being arrested. To learn more visit feeneylegacyproject.org.
“We want people to feel safe about calling 911,” Armistead said.
Some people may be unsure about how serious a medical emergency is and consider waiting it out, but acting quickly always results in the best chance of survival: Call 911, administer CPR, save a life.
No certificate needed
In January of this year, TV viewers witnessed a Buffalo Bills trainer jump into action and revive football player Damar Hamlin on the field by initiating CPR. But being someone’s lifesaver doesn’t require a trained professional or even a CPR certification.
FLP has looked to the good work of the American Heart Association and partnered with national organization Parent Heart Watch for accessible, inventive ways to demonstrate performing CPR. Chest compressions can be practiced on a roll of toilet paper!
“I love the idea of teaching everybody to be confident to do CPR — keep the rhythm going and don’t worry if it hurts, you’re saving someone’s life,” Armistead said.
Even if you have no idea what to do in a crisis, someone can walk you through the steps of performing CPR, if necessary, when you dial 911.
FLP is open to partnering with schools, clubs, Scouts, coaches and athletic teams to reach as many people as possible with its life-saving message.
Heartache help
The book “Finding Meaning” by David Kessler was a source of comfort for Armistead. It provides a roadmap to remembering those who have departed with more love than pain. “I hung onto that and learned a lot,” Armistead said.
For several months, she addressed daily journal entries to Feeney in the early morning hours from her porch.
In many cultures cardinals are regarded as messengers from Heaven, symbols that lost loved ones are near. Armistead talks to them as though they’re Feeney, alternating between telling him to stop messing with her, and thanking him for stopping by. She’s always delighted in collecting cardinal figurines and ornaments.
Crying wherever she was — in the grocery store for example — is something Armistead gave herself grace for in the early days. “I did what I had to do,” she said.
She and her husband, Chris, didn’t attempt to process their grief jointly. “It’s almost impossible to do. It doesn’t work,” she said. “The advice I got was: do your thing, let him do his. And that’s what we’ve done. We’ve worked in our own ways,” she shared. They both found grief counseling helpful.
Click here to read part one of “Good Grief: Life After Loss.”
Resources
Grief Support
- Support for Survivors of Murder-Suicides — gcfv.georgia.gov/ssms
- Support for Parents who Lost Children to Murder — pomc.org
- Support for Death after an Overdose — sadod.org
- Support for Death by Suicide — afsp.org
- Support for Parents who Lost Children — compassionatefriends.org
Children’s Grief Support
- Camp MAGIK (Mainly About Grief in Kids) — campmagik.org
The camp is free of charge. Children get a weekend of support surrounded by other grieving kids and licensed professionals facilitate groups. Caregivers can attend too.
- Kate’s Club — katesclub.org
The club brings grief groups to children 5-18 in Metro Atlanta and beyond.
This resource list is provided by:
Danielle Edwards, MSW, LCSW — Grief, Trauma and Domestic Violence Recovery
Edwards Psychotherapy and Consulting LLC.
470-668-5930, info@edwardspac.com
Related
Patrizia hails from Toronto, Canada where she earned an Honors B.A. in French and Italian studies at York University, and a B.Ed. at the University of Toronto. This trilingual former French teacher has called Georgia home since 1998. She and her family have enjoyed living, working and playing in Peachtree Corners since 2013.
Local small business owner has found a way to keep mosquitos at bay with natural remedies
Geoff Krstovic, a former firefighter, transitioned into the mosquito control business after a divorce, driven by the desire for flexible work.
“Nobody ever thinks they’re going to be into bugs and chemistry when they grow up,” he said. “It’s not like, ‘I want to be a firefighter. I want to be an astronaut.’ Nobody thinks that they want to go out there whacking bugs or says, ‘I want to be in pest control.’”
But as he progressed in his new career, Krstovic took an interest in how to get rid of pests without using harsh, man-made chemicals.
“The more certifications, the more promotions and everything that I got, [and] the more entomology classes I started taking, … I really started to realize what we were putting out into the environment,” he said.
“I spend 90% of my time outside, and I see so much wildlife. So, when I would see a deer eating a leaf or a rabbit run out of bushes that I just treated, it really made me start to think about the effects of what we were doing to them.”
Not to mention pollinators like bees and butterflies.
“When I [would finish a treatment], I’d look back at the yard and everything that I’d seen flying around was just gone,” he said.
As a parent and a pet owner, he knew there had to be a better way to get rid of pests but still safeguard ourselves and the animals around us.
With a growing concern for the environmental impact, he developed a natural mosquito treatment system. The company he was working for wasn’t interested in his new product, so he started his own business.
Road to pest control
Krstovic graduated from Georgia State with a major in English. He joked that many of his contemporaries in the field have similar backgrounds.
“There’s an ongoing joke in the pest community where it’s like … what do you go to college [for] to be a pest [control] owner? Well, you major in liberal arts, English or writers’ composition,” he said.
“A lot of the other owners I met had the same degrees. A big part of it is that creativity aspect, and in pest control, you’re allowed to think outside the box, and you’re allowed to adjust and adapt to what you’re seeing and use different methods.”
That desire to do things differently led him to find a way to help keep people safe from West Nile, Zika virus and Eastern equine encephalitis while they enjoyed time outdoors.
With a lot of research and a little help from relatives with backgrounds in chemistry and engineering, he came up with a formulation based on using essential oils.
The dangers of mosquitos
“After you meet your first client that tells you about their experience just walking to a mailbox and they get West Nile, it changes your perspective 100%,” Krstovic said, “because you’re not just out there killing bugs, you’re out there protecting people and their families.”
Mosquitos are often called the most dangerous animal on earth, with the diseases they spread killing over a million people annually according to statistics from the World Health Organization and Centers for Disease Control.
While the more serious mosquito diseases don’t pose the greatest risk to most communities, there are common ailments that can show up in people and pets, including bites that get infected and heartworm in dogs.
Reaching out to the community
Though people were a little skeptical about Krstovic’s natural pest control methods at first, Erin Rhatigan decided to give it a try.
“Geoff cold-called our house in 2021 and revealed that he actually grew up in the house next door,” she said. “He really wanted to return to his roots and offer his services.”
Rhatigan has three young children, and with her home being situated on the Chattahoochee River, the outdoor areas are beautiful, but also plagued by a lot of mosquitos.
“We’re very focused on spending time outside, and our kids are very, very active, so they’re outside a lot,” she said.
But Rhatigan and her kids are also very sensitive to mosquito bites, and the spraying services she tried year after year weren’t satisfactory.
“I had gone through every franchise. I had used the large companies every season. I was switching because it seemed like it would be effective at the beginning, and then it would lose effectiveness,” she said.
She was also concerned about the toxicity of the chemicals being used.
“I felt like using toxic chemicals on our property was not only bad for our family, but because we are on the river, we’re kind of a steward to the environment as well, … so when he mentioned that the product that he uses to control the mosquitoes was eco-friendly, I was happy to try it,” she shared.
Local solution gets a local investor
The treatment was so effective that Rhatigan isn’t just a customer, she and her husband decided to invest in the business.
“It was better than anything I had used for the previous 10 years,” she said. “The amazing thing is that when he sprays the property, you have this effervescence of the essential oils in the air.”
She recommended Geo Mosquito to everyone who’d listen to her, and eventually Krstovic took over maintaining the facilities at Rhatigan’s community pool.
“[What he was doing] kind of piqued my husband’s and my interest because we were looking for a small business to invest in locally,” she said. “I’m now home with the kids, but I have a long career in sales, and my husband is in sales as well.”
Within a year, the couple became active investors.
“We love the origin story of this relationship because it’s reflective of how friendly and supportive the local business community is in Peachtree Corners,” she said.
Caring about the work
Krstovic attributes his success to caring about the work, attention to detail and understanding client needs. He doesn’t just spray the yard and leave; he has a system of mapping out problem areas and educating clients about prevention.
“We’re looking at anything that could hold a water source and eliminating that, asking our clients what time of the day they’re getting eaten up, what part of their body and what part of their yard,” he said.
“That helps us figure out the species of mosquito that’s attacking them, so we know where to target, because different species have different nesting sites.”
Growing the business
Geo Mosquito has begun working with Vox-pop-uli to upgrade their logo, website and promotional materials.
“Geoff is a typical entrepreneur — protective of what he’s doing,” Rhatigan said. “So going through the steps of changing the logo, coming up with a new tagline, starting to do some marketing, is both exciting and a little scary.”
But the team at Vox-pop-uli has been a tremendous resource — helping them go at their own pace.
“This first year of investment was about seeing what the market interest is and expanding brand awareness,” said Rhatigan. “Vox-pop-uli offers so many services, it’s daunting for an emerging company to manage so many different contractors: creative, graphic design, printing, mailing. But they have a great, responsive organization that has been very helpful.”
Next steps
With a proprietary formulation for the mosquito abatement, Geo Mosquito wants to bottle the solution and sell it nationally.
Additionally, in 2025, the company plans to expand into ecofriendly pest control services for inside the home. They are also interested in working with local municipalities, churches and schools to expand their mosquito control services.
The Local Thread: This business profile series is proudly supported by Vox-pop-uli, championing local stories and the communities we serve.
This article is also available in the print and digital edition of the Jan/Feb issue of Southwest Gwinnett magazine.
Photos courtesy of Geo Mosquito.
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Community
Recreational Soccer Club Celebrates 50 Years of Play
Published
3 weeks agoon
January 4, 2025According to physicians, educators and child psychologists, there are myriad reasons parents encourage their young children to play soccer:
- Physical fitness: Soccer is a fast-paced sport that can help improve cardiovascular health, muscular strength, flexibility and endurance.
- Motor skills: Soccer involves running, kicking, dribbling and passing, which can help develop balance, agility and coordination.
- Socialization: Soccer can help children make friends from different backgrounds and cultures.
- Teamwork: Soccer is a team sport that teaches children the value of cooperation and working together towards a common goal.
- Life skills: Soccer can help children develop discipline, perseverance and resilience.
- Emotional intelligence: Soccer can help children develop empathy and emotional intelligence.
- Stress reduction: Playing soccer can help reduce stress and anxiety by releasing endorphins that elevate mood.
- Confidence: Consistent practice and dedication can help children build confidence and overcome obstacles.
- Gender equality: Participating in sports like soccer can help break down gender stereotypes.
- Enjoyment: Soccer can help encourage children to enjoy their childhood and stay in school.
It’s for those objectives and more that members of the Peachtree Corners Football Club (PCFC) are working so hard to sustain and grow their program.
A growing community
Nearly three years ago, three local parents had the idea to build an organization for their children to reap the benefits of recreational soccer.
“We found out that we were linked to the athletic club called Peachtree Booster Club,” said Gavin Meech, a club committee member, parent coach and member of the small group that revitalized the soccer program. “It’s sort of an overarching group that also looks after the roller hockey at Pinckneyville Park in Norcross.”
They realized that back in 1975, a youth soccer program called the Jones Bridge Soccer Club was formed at Jones Bridge Park. Now renamed the Peachtree Corners Football Club, the parents decided to put the time and energy into revitalizing — and growing — the decades-old program.
In February 2022, the three coaches had 170 kids. The program now has nearly 300 kids across 30 teams. The club emphasizes community involvement, with over 5,000 volunteer hours annually from parents and coaches. Challenges include managing growth and ensuring sustainability, though the club aims to expand its field space and engage more local businesses for partnerships.
The organization will soon celebrate 50 years of providing youth recreational level soccer to the local community in the southwest corner of Gwinnett County. And registration for the upcoming season is nearly full, highlighting the need for continued community support and involvement.
Bringing new energy to an old club
Initially, the group faced challenges in forming the soccer club, including linking with the Peachtree Booster Club and learning administrative tasks.
“That first season was a steep learning curve, and we ended up, I think, with about 170 kids,” said Meech. “So we were driving around Peachtree Corners, sticking the little signs anywhere that we were legally allowed. A few of us were grabbing anybody that would slightly suggest they would help by being a parent coach and things like that.”
Fast forward to this past season where there were just under 300 kids and 30 teams.
“We are now oversubscribed,” he added. “Our return rate is in excess of 80% of the kids and their families. So, it’s really become something that once they join, they return, and through word of mouth, more want to join.”
The club is community-centric, with kids from local schools like Simpson, Berkeley Lake and Cornerstone taking part. Volunteers naturally step forward and get involved, with no formal process.
“[Rapid growth] is a great problem to have. So we’re working with [Gwinnett County Parks and Recreation] at the moment to try and see if we can gain more field space,” Meech said. “We started to utilize the big field near the Aquatic Center. It’s similar in size to Jones Bridge field, but it’s got a slightly different classification at the moment.”
Right now, several clubs are using that space, so a huge obstacle is finding some place to play that’s local so that families won’t have to traipse all over the metro area.
“We don’t want to lose our identity by expanding too big, because that’s hard to manage,” he added.
Community engagement and future plans
Committee member Mathew Shamloo credits Meech with pulling him into the mix.
“I’d say that Gavin has a very unassuming gravitational pull,” he said. “There’s no real process to it. I think it’s just naturally the people who want to be involved step forward and, whether or not they are asked, they’re just kind of pulled in inch by inch.”
Shamloo is also a coach, but had no prior experience.
“I had no real ties to soccer before this,” he said. “My daughter wanted to play. My background is in basketball.”
So he utilized some of the fundamentals that apply to any team sport and researched best coaching practices.
“I want her to play soccer because it’s easily accessible, it’s local, it’s right around the corner from us,” he said. “It was like, ‘Hey, there’s soccer. We can start there.’”
Like most parents, Meech and Shamloo don’t have dreams that their kids will turn into David Beckham or Brandi Chastain. But if the kids have those aspirations, PCFC has ties to bigger opportunities.
“I think what we’ve managed to achieve is we have raised the bar on rec sports, and we are able to compete, but we’re fundamentally a rec club,” said Meech. “I think some of the challenges of the past [are] where you get to a point where you say, ‘Well, should we become an academy? Should we offer the next level of competition to the kids?’ But sort of the mentality we’ve had, and kind of our foundation, is no, that Peachtree Corners is a local rec club.”
In order to keep doing what they do in an amateur Ted Lasso fashion and stay around for another 50 years, the club focuses on community and engagement with local businesses for partnerships rather than sponsorships.
“Our soccer club and families are more than just a group of people that meet for our kids to play a sport,” said Meech. “Traditionally, you engage with local business for sponsorship, but we’re very lucky in the sense that, as a nonprofit supported by parks and rec with facilities, we don’t need a huge amount of sponsorship.”
Expanding the community
Soccer is easily accessible globally because all you need is a ball and a goal and some grass or something similar, so the costs are relatively low, he added.
“We’ve been able to engage with local restaurants, other sporting facilities and work in more of a partnership with them to create this wider community beyond Jones Bridge soccer playing fields,” he said.
Both men pointed out that they go to Town Center or other sporting events with their families and inevitably bump into Peachtree Corners FC players and family members everywhere.
“Local businesses reach out to us and try and find out how they can contribute,” said Meech.
Although the club is at capacity, it still invites families and businesses to visit and see the activities firsthand. The committee members want to build awareness and community involvement, as the club aims to continue growing and providing a positive experience for all involved while maintaining its community-centric focus.
For more information about the Peachtree Corners Football Club, visit pcfcsoccer.com.
Related
Many of us are consumed by the day-to-day of life’s hustle and bustle, doing our best to navigate our relationships, provide for our families and live comfortably. A select few meet with great success on all fronts.
Fewer still somehow manage to lead extraordinarily accomplished existences with gumption, energy and talent left to spare, positively impacting circles far larger than their own family unit.
One such exceptional person, and longtime Peachtree Corners resident, is Jim Gaffey. Allow me to introduce you to the most extraordinary neighbor you never knew you had. I had the honor of speaking to him while he was spending time at his second home in the North Carolina mountains.
With a charming wife, thriving children and grandkids entering the fold, the former BellSouth executive is winning in the game of life. But it’s his heart for seeing others win that is something to behold.
He worked up from an entry-level installer pulling cables to a successful career in telecommunications, and from a first-generation Irish American teaching youngsters to read in Spanish Harlem to having a hand in peacemaking efforts in Northern Ireland.
With modesty, Gaffey would tell you that his work in Northern Ireland wasn’t remarkable because there were a plethora of well-funded protests taking place when he was a young man in the 1960s and 70s. I beg to differ.
Why The Troubles were troubling
After gaining its independence in 1922, Ireland seceded from the United Kingdom to become the independent Irish Free State except for the six northeastern counties that comprise Northern Ireland, creating the partition of Ireland.
The Nationalists, largely Catholics, wanted Northern Ireland to become part of the republic of Ireland. The overwhelmingly Protestant Unionists wished to remain part of the United Kingdom. The violent sectarian conflict in Northern Ireland known as The Troubles erupted in 1968 after having been stoked by hundreds of years of tumultuous history.
Gaffey described the rather draconian, anti-Catholic situation, which he prefers to view through the lens of “the haves versus the have-nots” instead of joining the media in playing-up the battle of the religions. In truth, voting laws seemed fair; but in practice, they were very unfavorable to Catholics.
Local voting was subject to property qualifications which made matters even worse. Business owners — disproportionately Protestant — who owned multiple properties got multiple votes.
“You had some people with no vote at all and some people with overloaded gerrymandering of the districts and sitting in parliament,” Gaffey said. This would ensure a Protestant majority in as many constituencies as possible.
Hence, in Northern Ireland, the religious makeup of your community determined the quality of your housing, public services and the jobs available to you. Peaceful protests were not kindly received.
Understandably, those who had enjoyed centuries of unfair advantages wanted to keep things just as they were.
Brooklyn boy
The son of Irish immigrants, Gaffey was moved by the civil unrest going on across the pond. He authored an essay about the crisis while studying at City University of New York with a focus on the Special Powers Act passed by the Parliament of Northern Ireland in 1922. The act was meant to restore order but was ruthlessly used to suppress the Nationalists’ opposition to politics that significantly favored the Unionists.
“The Special Powers Act allowed the authorities in Northern Ireland to arrest without charge and hold indefinitely up to six years without a trial or any kind of a court hearing. People were placed in concentration camp facilities,” Gaffey explained.
The British Army began a policy of internment without trial in Northern Ireland in 1971 during Operation Demetrius which would last until 1975.
Skin in the game
In 1969, when Gaffey’s university paper was distributed to the head of the Transport Workers Union in New York City and to the National Council of Churches, it was decided he should be sent to Northern Ireland to learn what was going on and report back to the United States. The street smarts he’d acquired growing up in Brooklyn were about to be put to the test.
Gaffey first landed in Ireland on August 15, 1969 — the day after the British army had arrived. Armed only with legal writing pads, he was instructed to walk the streets, meet and live with the locals, observe, write weekly reports detailing his findings and send them through the postal system, as was customary then.
“When something big was happening, like the British army going into a certain area, we used telegrams,” he said.
“The Unionists began to attack and burn whole villages, trying to force out the Nationalists and stop the civil rights movement. The British government decided that too many people were being killed and driven out of their homes. Whole rows of homes were burnt down. All those families had to flee,” Gaffey said.
The U.S. didn’t want to interfere but craved a better understanding of what was going on with their close allies in the United Kingdom.
“People here, even people in Irish organizations, couldn’t understand why two Christian communities were attacking one another,” Gaffey explained.
Between 1968 and 1972, Gaffey traveled to Northern Ireland 12 times, living in both Unionist and Nationalist communities, learning from them. He shared what was unfolding with the U.S. by reporting to congressional officials and testifying to the House Foreign Affairs Committee.
An uncomfortable situation
Asked if he was fearful, Gaffey replied, “I was very cautious. I was stopped and frisked in the streets by British soldiers and held for a period of time until my paperwork could be approved by some officer at least 12 times,” he revealed.
Anyone moving from one tiny community to the other in that area — no larger than Connecticut — or traveling with recognizable people as he was, was likely to be stopped, especially if they were obviously not dock workers or coal miners, the type of individuals one would expect to see there.
Observers knew to always carry their passports and visas, and say they were just visiting friends and relatives if questioned. “We were sent in with the cards of American diplomatic officials to call in case it got serious,” Gaffey said.
Gaffey recounts harrowing tales like that of the late John Hume being taken to meet the Irish Republican Army (IRA) in the trunk of a car to start the peace process because he wasn’t allowed to know where he was going.
Hidden under a blanket is how Gaffey was once driven speedily across the border into the Republic of Ireland when violence broke out in Derry. Besides developing an instinct for knowing when it was time to leave, when he wasn’t evading hostilities, he found himself in discussions with very aggressive, angry people resisting the push for change.
“Communities were devastated, people were beaten. It was a horrible situation,” Gaffey stated.
Forward, march!
“I was in three civil rights marches in Dungannon, Belfast and Londonderry: two in 1970 and one in 1971. I was pelted with rocks and stones by folks who did not like these marches in Northern Ireland,” Gaffey shared.
Just the thought of marching in such circumstances with 12 to 14,000 people organized by the Northern Ireland Civil Rights Association (NICRA) would strike terror in the hearts of most people. But men like Gaffey are a different breed.
“I was too busy ducking horse and cow manure to be terrified. When you were marching through these farmlands into cities where an election might be coming up, they got pretty feisty,” he said.
According to Gaffey, Nationalist chants were met with cries of “No surrender!” by Unionists who had a monopoly on everything.
— “We shall overcome!”
— “No surrender!”
— “We want jobs!”
— “No surrender!”
When the guns came out and things got extremely violent, the observers were pulled out of Northern Ireland.
After Ireland
What Gaffey had witnessed in Northern Ireland motivated him to help even more. He became the National Student Organizer of the National Association for Irish Justice (NAIJ) and traveled across the United States speaking at numerous universities including Yale, Harvard and Berkeley.
His goal? To educate students about what was going on in Northern Ireland and encourage them to become involved by protesting the blatant discrimination against the Catholics.
“We were the financial supporter in the United States for the NICRA who modeled themselves after the Civil Rights Movement in America,” Gaffey said. Able to garner support from the universities he visited, NAIJ chapters sprang up. Gaffey later served as the National Coordinator of the NAIJ.
As the Coordinator, Gaffey formally represented the NICRA in the United States at speaking engagements, public presentations and protests.
Over the years, Gaffey has met with four sitting U.S. Presidents about Northern Ireland: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, George W. and Laura Bush and Barack and Michelle Obama. He served on a committee of 20 charged with organizing the Obamas’ first trip to Ireland.
Luck of the Irish
John Lennon, who had participated in a march in London, backed the civil rights movement and supported the NICRA. Lennon attended NICRA meetings and spoke at rallies in the United States. Gaffey had dinners with both he and Yoko Ono.
“He carried around our first son,” Gaffey beamed. “He was one of the most empathetic people I’ve ever met. Anything that was happening around him affected him emotionally, almost physically. When he was associated with us, he was taking in every bit of information,” he added.
Lennon and Ono wrote “The Luck of the Irish” in 1971, donating all proceeds from the song to Irish civil rights organizations in Ireland and New York. Other supporters of the cause were Arlo Guthrie and the group Peter, Paul and Mary, who entertained at rallies and fundraisers free of charge, as did Lennon.
The lyrics of U2’s signature song, “Sunday Bloody Sunday” evoke the horrors of one of the darkest days of the Troubles in Northern Ireland when British troops shot and killed 13 unarmed Roman Catholic civil rights supporters, injuring 14 others (one later died), during a protest march in Derry on Sunday, January 30, 1972.
The Good Friday Agreement
On April 10, 1998, Irish Nationalist politicians John Hume and David Trimble, the Northern Irish leader, steered the Protestant majority and their Catholic rivals into a peace deal known as The Good Friday Agreement.
“Unfortunately, Trimble doesn’t get a lot of play because his community hated him for doing it,” Gaffey said.
The Nobel Peace Prize was awarded jointly to Hume and Trimble that year “for their efforts to find a peaceful solution to the conflict in Northern Ireland.”
When it was all said and done, 3,720 people in a population of about 1.5 million were killed in Northern Ireland over a 30-year period during the Troubles.
With 21 miles of “peace walls,” separating Irish republican from British loyalist neighborhoods, increasing in number and size since the signing of the Good Friday Agreement, it’s clear there is ongoing turmoil.
Martin Luther King III
In 2015, Gaffey was asked by those in Northern Ireland trying to settle things down to bring his friend Martin Luther King III with him to meet face-to-face with people on both sides. Gaffey followed through with King by his side.
“I think eventually, possibly within our lifetimes, we’ll witness the unification of Northern Ireland and Ireland into one country,” Gaffey stated. Despite the continued unrest, Gaffey maintains a vision of hope. Call it pollyannaish if you must, but I think I’ll join him in his prediction of a better tomorrow.
Avocation life
Gaffey discusses avocations like they’re as essential as breathing. I suspect he assumes we all partake in multiple activities in addition to our regular occupations.
In 2002, he founded The Gaffey Group, an international trading company. He’s brought 47 companies out of Northern Ireland to the United States on trade missions. Today, he assists the successful ones by procuring investors.
“I’ve gone on trade missions to Northern Ireland with Governor Sonny Perdue and Lieutenant Governor Casey Cagle. I also took Governor Bob Riley of Alabama and a team on a trade mission there,” Gaffey said.
Gaffey serves on the Peace Harmony Joy Alliance which mirrors his own belief in leading a purposeful life.
As an advisor to The Carter Center on conflict resolution, Gaffey has investigated third world and local issues.
In case you were unaware that it might need saving, Gaffey serves on the ad hoc committee to save the Good Friday Agreement. Deeming it necessary for future success, he calls it a pressure group.
He explained, “It’s always in peril. Although everybody signed a peace agreement, they’ve found less than half of the weapons that were being used. There are still incidents. They’re still looking for people who were never found.”
Leaving a legacy
Gaffey plans to donate an archive of over 300 documents to The Linen Hall, the oldest library in Belfast. His records of fundraising and support include financials, what they did, who they were raising money from, who they supported as well as communications addressed by leaders of the NICRA.
“I can’t believe the news today,” Bono first crooned in the 1980s about the heightened conflict in early 1970s Northern Ireland. Regrettably, we can look at wars going on across the globe today and say the same.
It seems as long as humankind exists, so too will conflict. The only comfort is knowing there will also always be those upholding justice and equality. If you’re lucky enough to meet one such person committed to peace, seize the occasion to hear stories of hope that can emerge from even the deepest trenches of despair.
There you have it, Peachtree Corners! I hope you’ve enjoyed meeting our very notable neighbor Jim Gaffey as much as I have.
This article originally ran in the October/November issue of Peachtree Corners Magazine. You can read the digital edition here.
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